Dionysus Minor.

I did say I was back, and in shape. Explain hence, lack of writing?

As with most things, better explained with illustrated examples. In this case, of the current situation.

You know you should start considering you have a problem, when you're at work early and half smashed off your face. For no better reason than than breakfast was coffee and a fresh beer, left over from last night.

And it was left over because you had two, but only finished one and fell asleep at seven in the evening. Because you'd only slept two hours the night before, too busy being drunk (surprise!) while playing computer games.

I do suspect I am well on my way to being a proper social reject.

On an entirely unrelated note, it's interesting how virginity is regarded completely differently, by gender. If a woman's a virgin at twenty-four, working with the assumption she does not look like a dyslexic cow, she is lauded and applauded. Perhaps, dare I say, all the more attractive for it.

If you're male and haven't been laid by then, however, everyone's aghast.

"Is it a...personal thing? Are you saving it for something?"

Really, what do they expect to hear?

"No, no. It's nothing quite as boring as that. You see, I was born with a genetic mutation. My penis is so huge I have to keep it coiled around my waist at all times. It's not much use for anything except proper inpregnation. And even then I'd have to do it from across the room."

No one believes me, though. It's the sleeping at four in the morning, on average, getting wasted and playing computer games. You lead a life like that, people just know you have a sad, unfufilled existence getting off on underaged porn.

Little do they know that after that, I have to hang my penis out the window for air.

Excuse us. We are drunk.