Ne quid nimis.

...Wah. Weekend liao ah.

Rather than pleb about being busy, it's true: I've been too lazy. Curiously, Mr Ancob casually inquired as to whether I'm still keeping TehUneducated alive, to which I responded in the positive. "Well, why do you keep it?", he asks, to which I staccato things to the effect of writing practice, of a different style. He assures me that before long, I'd be heartily sick of it. False bravado aside, it's true. Not the weblog, but of writing in general.

Ne quid nimis (it is given that anything and everything will sound, for the lack of a better term, cooler, in Latin, even if you have fuck-all idea how to pronounce it). "All things in moderation, nothing in excess". Ah, those Greeks. Handling copious amounts of stale, bland text which you are not allowed to flavour in any way, as a career, does indeed leave one a tad wanting of the desire to produce more when left to own devices. Aspiring models discover behind the glitz and glamour a life of obligatory sex with fat balding men and, a diet of celery, cigarettes and coffee (C-Diet omg). Aspiring actors discover a life of obligatory sex with fat balding men and much lambasting before finally giving up and getting a real job. So! , do I discover a life of obligatory...

None of that, now. It really is wearing, sometimes, to have to erase all wit and poise (whatever I had, anyway. Perhaps including penchant for brackets.) from your prose...even the bits you sneakily put in and think - hope - will get through. This is why Writers produce what is called Prose and Copywriters produce...Copy. Vicious, painful lesson.

I don't resent it though, however much and confusingly otherwise I may just have made it seem. With our sort of clientele, it's even more to be a given. Mr Ancob is a wealth of knowledge on producing "good copy (that) has no style whatsoever)", and I'm still learning. Don't give me that look, it's way harder than it seems.

Awfully refreshing to FOR ONCE BE ABLE TO SPEAK IN THE FIRST PERSON OMFG.

So, yes.

Closer to home (as opposed to Greece), the Straits Times' Forums have recently moved on to topics of personal interest. Now, this is the newspaper forum of our national 'paper we speak of. I believe it justified to expect some degree of quality. To be fair, there are indeed some good discussions there very often. Of similar quality though not much actual content is what I like to call "Neh Neh Nee Boo Boo" letters; back-and-forths between random whiner and authorities clarifying.

One NNNBB that stands out, with a happy ending, is where some "superstitious Chinese lowlife" complains to the Town Council about voodoo drawings made outside a flat by Indian Devils. The Town Council informs the Indian lady that her gutless Chink neighbour is scareded of her v00d00 and wants her to remove it. Rather than getting pissed about it and altering her v00d00 to cause genitalia to sprout from said gutless neighbour's forehead, the outstanding woman writes in to the Forums to explain in detail that it is an ancient Indian art-form she has drawn, meant to bring peace and prosperity to her family. I shamefully forget the name of the art. A few days later, Town Council authorities also write in to say they have relayed the message, compliment the Indian lady for her defusal of the situation, and say all is well. Intelligent Indian Lady 1, Spineless Chink fucktard -3576.

Then, there are the letters that make you think. Not about any important issue in particular, but about the sanity of the people who choose what gets printed, and the future of our nation with the letter-writers in it. Having now seen the back-side (NO. PUN. INTENDED) of part of the industry, I am now able to theorize that the people who select these letters have a quota to match of, say, 01 x "People's Concerns" Letters per day. The scary thing is, the ones they do choose must then be the best, and least mind-numbing of the lot.

There was the -concerned passenger- who wrote in about taxi-drivers not reminding people to put on their seat belts, or something similar. There was the -vigilant citizen- who wrote in about mis-named signs. On a whim, I scurried off to check today's papers... -scurryscurryscurry-...

...AND I PRESENT TO YOU, THE -CONSUMER'S VOICE-, REPRODUCED VERBATIM IN FULL TECHNICOLOUR!

"Karaoke Bill Rounded up 9 Cents"

I refer to Mr R's letter, "Bill was rounded up" (ST, June 8).

The practice of rounding up bills happens not only at Swensen's. I frequent karaoke chain kBox and I notice it also rounds up customers' bills.

In my case, it was not a matter of two cents, but a difference of nine cents! If a bill comes up to $24.31, it will be rounded up to $24.30. If there is a need to round up instead of rounding down, shouldn't it be $24.25? I have asked a staff member about this and his answer was, "This is the way we charge".

(ST, June 10)


Of course, with our intent being only to dissect content without any sort of a personal attack, names have been with-held. And uh, other various disclaimers to avoid libel suits.

Look, first and foremost, what kind of cheap bastard are you? No Donald Trump myself, I fully understand the need to be frugal. The thing is, when you go to places like kBox, you exempt yourself from that excuse because karaoke sessions are an extravagance. If this was about the aunty at the market rounding your kangkong up by nine cents, maybe. Just maybe. But it's kBox. No, you may not spring the "Music is my soul! More important to me than food!" excuse. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Next: The writer is not alone. Mr R, as is mentioned in the letter, has apparently written in to complain about being overcharged two cents the day before. Swensen's. Sale argument on all counts. Two cents. Ten times the WTF factor.

Last: It takes a very, very special kind of person, to have read Mr R's dissertation on Ye Overchargee 'O Swensenes' and not just dismiss it, or perhaps shake his head at the audacity of these commercial pirates, but to tear with the shared agony of a fellow victim and jump to write a letter about it! Next week: The ghastly tale of the fourteen-cent overcharge, coming to a Forum near -you-!

I've gone and whacked myself entirely off-tangent now, haven't I? I'd meant to talk about the recent spate of letters about Singlish (again) and of online gaming. But aha! Content for another entry. Frugality is the word. Gods know there's little inspiring in what I do daily.

Till then, three people and small yappy-type dog, NIL ILLEGITIMUS CARBORUNDUM!

Nah. Knock yourself out.