Good old IMDB.com. It's really weird that, of all places, IMDB.com takes their account security so srsly. Good on them. They want to make sure you really arewho you say you are, and that you reeeally want to find out stuff about movies.
IMDB.com. Best com for looking up anything about movies. BUT HOR.
Who. The. Fuck. Is. Interested in that shit. Gods. Granted, there are some pretty dedicated stalkers out there. I made an account with IMDB to use to look up stuff on my phone like, you know, normal people who want to find out some trivia. Because that's a thing, all right? I got a bit of spam from them. Ok, click to unsubscribe from these kinds of emails. But one knows the real setting is in email preferences in account settings. So I try to log on IMDB.com. You could almost hear them say So, you want to log on? CHARRENGE ACCEPTED.
I tried with wrong email at first. Thank fuck it was willing to tell me got no such account, bluff who? Got the right email. Password. Ugh. I don't give a shit about this damned account so it must be the usual generic. And that was when it all went to shit.
Password, they dowan tell you wrong or not. But first, enter this nice, long sequence of numbers and letters in we're showing you in an image. With some sort of horror movie filter to make the characters nice and illegible.
That's to even try again, after the first time you try to log in and get your password wrong. Really, the first time? Where's the mercy, eh? And of course you're not going to get the characters correct the first time. No, wrong. Try again. Again lah. Again. "We do have all day, but so slow sia some people. Tsk." One almost hears the fucking service say.
This is how screens get smashed. The IMDB guys must own huge stocks in all the display manufacturers. "Eh, we're not making enough money to afford our 17th yacht. Each. Set that Captcha image to Extra Cheebye. Make them think they see the image of Jesus in it."
But they're not without mercy. Or they have to legally provide alternatives, or something. So there was an option for if I WAS HAVING TROUBLE GUESSING WHAT CHARACTER THESE SMUDGES ARE: to hear a string of numbers, instead.
Of course, I'd left the volume on too loud from last night. "PRIEST ENTER THESE NUMBERS" boomed across the neighbourhood. But do they tell you how many fuck shit numbers to expect? No, because fuck me. The numbers were voiced. Both male and female ones, strained through some kind of voice filter set on EXTRA ROBO. Then hor, then: when they read the numbers, there are background noises. Trains, whooshes, that kind of thing. Just so it's more secure...sounding?
It took me a few tries to log in. And then there they were indeed, the settings (GOT MORE THAN ONE, SAYING THINGS THAT MEAN THE SAME THING) to send me email if someone in a movie that came out in the last five years lost or gained weight. Or stubbed a toe. I had never clicked on check boxes so hard in my life. Like, I was really trying to perforate the screen by willpower and finger force.
So. Watched any good movies lately? Maybe that latest remake, with the horses, and where the younger actor works with the older one? There's a small tribute scene at roughly 40 minutes to the original movie. Yeah, he cuts his nipple off and flicks it at the bad guy just to piss him off. Nipple stuck on the guy's forehead, hah!
Lights, camera, and let the good times roll. Securely.
